


Amortentia

by prettymuchreddie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, Cute, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, POV Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, back before peter pettigrew was the scum of the earth, hinted jily, snape hate gang, thats crazy man, wholesome because i feel like the hp fandom needs something that wont make them want to unalive, wolfstar, wow imagine them actually having healthy communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettymuchreddie/pseuds/prettymuchreddie
Summary: Where Sirius Black walks into potions late one day, not knowing that they're brewing Amortentia, the strongest love potion in the wizarding world. He also doesn't know that it's supposed to smell like the person you're in love with. As you can imagine, this can only end well....Sirius was completely unfocused for the rest of the lesson, absentmindedly cracking Ashwinder eggs into paste and crushing Moonstone, he let James do most of the work and James didn’t object. His mind was racing, and he was furiously holding his breath so that the delicate smell of Remus’ shampoo wasn’t making him any more nervous than he should be. He’d occasionally glance around the room, catch a couple people staring and talking in hushed tones, then return his gaze to his swirling, pearly potion.“Sirius, mate, are you going to be ok?” James whispered toward the end of class, Sirius shook his head miserably. Everyone. Everyone knew how he felt about Remus, and all over being late to class. “Don’t mean to make things worse, but everyone’s talking about it.”“Bugger off, James. You’re not helping.”“If it helps, Remus feels the same.”“Great, thanks.” Sirius snapped.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	Amortentia

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Mild homophobia at some points. That's about it. 
> 
> Enjoy! Don't forget to comment and leave kudos if you like.

When brewing Amortentia it's very important to not announce to an entire group of people what you smell in the potion. It never ends well. Unless it does, in which case, well done, but it's a hell of a lot more awkward and surprising than an actual normal confession. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin found that out the hard way.

Sirius had been late for class, which came as a surprise to no one, he'd been off snogging some girl in the loos. That was on par for Sirius Black. He had no idea of what was happening in potions, the class he had neglected to get to on time.

The day's events unfolded deliciously one by one. First Sirius strutted in, all late and proud of himself, shirt untucked, hair messed up and signature grin plastered on. Next he drew back, face contorted like he'd just smelled something incredibly strong. He had. Remus had spoken up next,

"Oi! Padfoot, ever heard of a bloody _shower_? You're stinking up this entire room." Yet only a handful of the people understood what that meant. A couple people who had extensively researched Amortentia began to smirk, old Sluggy himself looked utterly mortified. Fucking _Snivellus_ Snape knew far too much about each potion, him and Lily Evans were among the first to catch on. Sirius only decided to make it worse for himself.

"I would apologize, _dearest_ _Moony_ , but I can't smell anything over your bloody pong, Merlin's Beard." He scoffed and plopped down next to James Potter, red in the face, smirking a little less. This was when others decided to skim over the description of the potion. The class burst into giggles. And yet it just — kept — getting — worse.

"Are you nose-blind, Padfoot? I could smell you coming from a mile away." If only either one of them had taken the time to question why everyone was giggling so avidly—except for Snape, his mouth was simply twisted into a wicked grin—instead of assuming that they were just that bloody hilarious, they might have played it off as a joke. But alas.

"I could say quite the same about you, Re—"

"Mate." James hissed, smirking like crazy and holding his textbook up for Sirius to read.

_Amortentia: the strongest known love potion in the wizarding world today,_

Sirius went ice cold all over.

_has been known to be very difficult to brew. It has side effects lasting only a short while, the drinker becomes deeply infatuated with the person giving them the potion. It is known to smell like the one you love._

Oh. Oh shit. He looked up to the front of the class where a cauldron stood, full to the brim with the potent liquid.

Oh. Shit.

Sirius looked at Remus, heart pounding, eyes wide and face beet-red. He hoped no one could see just how nervous he was. No one could really think of anything to say, Snape was still grinning like a Cheshire Cat but he often did that at any of the Marauders' embarrassment. Remus looked just as horrified with himself, he seemed to be reading over the description of the potion over and over again as if that would make the words just disappear.

"Er— _obliviate_?" Sirius squeaked, causing another—less sinister or mocking—ripple of laughter to spread around the class. Remus glared at him, shook his head and turned around in his seat. Next to him, Lily sat patting his back sympathetically.

"Continuing with the lesson..." Slughorn said slowly, still wearing a look of unmistakable defeat, "everyone take your rose petals — just here — there we are — now grind them into a fine powder..."

Sirius was completely unfocused for the rest of the lesson, absentmindedly cracking Ashwinder eggs into paste and crushing Moonstone, he let James do most of the work and James didn't object. His mind was racing, and he was furiously holding his breath so that the delicate smell of Remus' shampoo wasn't making him any more nervous than he should be. He'd occasionally glance around the room, catch a couple people staring and talking in hushed tones, then return his gaze to his swirling, pearly potion.

"Sirius, mate, are you going to be ok?" James whispered toward the end of class, Sirius shook his head miserably. Everyone. Everyone knew how he felt about Remus, and all over being late to class.

"Don't mean to make things worse, but everyone's talking about it."

"Bugger _off_ , James. You're not helping."

"If it helps, Remus feels the same."

"Great, thanks." Sirius snapped. The cloying yet soft smell of vanilla bean and cigarettes would not budge, staying firmly in the room and reminding him more and more every second of how everyone— _BLOODY_ _EVERYONE_ —knew! Merlin, and there was just no fixing it. Moony _knew_ , Moony fucking _knew_ and he... he felt the same way because why else would Sirius be 'stinking up the entire room' but that just was not the point at all.

Once Slughorn came round and checked all the potions, class was dismissed. Sirius didn't know how he'd ever manage to look Remus in the eye ever again. He couldn't leave the class and escape the distinct smell of his best friend soon enough. He grabbed his books and practically sprinted out, far ahead of anyone else. It was lunch, so he'd just go up to the dormitories and sulk. Soon the whole school would know and bloody hell, what would people think of him then? The _queer_ _kid_ that outed himself in potions class without knowing? The _weirdo_ that's snogged most girls in the year, but just for show? Just as a cover up?

He threw his books to the side in the common room, not caring that they were carelessly scattered on the floor and stormed up to his bed, flopping down on it face first, putting a charm on the curtains so that they didn't open, and screaming into his pillow, heart still going absolutely haywire. He thought he heard someone come in, but was too busy wallowing in self pity to care. They could come in, it wouldn't change anything. It was a girl's voice and a boy's voice, and usually he'd whinge about having girls in the boys' room, but he couldn't really focus on anything except for the fact that Remus's scent was still extremely prominent.

" _Fuck_. _Me_." He muttered under his breath, wholly furious at the universe for making him snog that girl and be late to class. ( _the universe didn't make you do SHIT you twat, this is your own fault_ )

...

Remus and Sirius didn't talk about it. They didn't talk at all, actually. Their usual late night conversations at the windowsill were stopped almost immediately without any conversation to plan it. Of course, Sirius had shown up hopefully at the window after getting out of the shower the night of the incident, but turned around and promptly discovered that Moony had closed his bed curtains and gone off to sleep. Brilliant. Sirius didn't show up at the windowsill again.

Their only conversations happened well after a week had passed since 'The Incident' and even then it was nothing personal, nothing incriminating, nothing that would give Sirius or Remus even the littlest bit of closure. The conversations still didn't happen just between the two of them, either, they were only at meals or when everyone was hanging out in the common room and it would be weird if one of them didn't say something to the other.

"Glad to see you and Moony talking again." James had said one day on their way to the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match. "I take it you've worked things out, then?"

" _Merlin_ , James, are you really that thick?" Sirius snapped in reply, turning angrily to his best friend, who oddly resembled a deer caught in headlights. Sirius never snapped at him. " _No_ , we have _not_ worked things out, and _no_ we do _not_ talk."

"Sorry, mate, I didn't know..." James trailed off guiltily and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Sirius was still fuming.

"It's _fine_. I don't _care_. If Remus wants to be a prat and ignore me then he can do that. _Couldn't -- give -- less -- of -- a -- shit._ " Except, with the way his fists were balled up, his face was red, his teeth were gritted and he looked on the verge of tears, James didn't entirely believe him.

"Listen, Pads, it sounds to me like you're being just as much of a prat as he is." Sirius looked bewildered. He'd thought he was being completely rational. "You can't honestly look at me and say that you've tried to get him on his own and talk to him, and -- actually -- scratch that. You two have been alone plenty of times, poor Pete is as oblivious as ever, he still doesn't know exactly what happened in potions," Sirius winced, "anyway, I've given you two plenty of alone time."

"Oh, really?" He knew it was a pointless question, as subtle as James was trying to be in his attempts to get the two to start talking normally again it didn't go completely unnoticed. "Name one time."

He could probably name a fair bit more than one.

"Really? You're playing this game, alright then. Two days ago, in the common room, one AM." Sirius knew James was right, but he still remained bored-looking. "You, me and Moony were the only ones still awake, I said I was going to bed. I specifically said, 'I'll leave you lads to it.'"

"Right, and? We thought you were just ti--"

"Yesterday. Outside by the greenhouses. We were all hanging out, and I grabbed Pete away and told him we should go to the library to get something, leaving you two alone. Behind the greenhouses. Where no one ever goes."

"Are you saying you were planning for us to shag?"

"What? _No_! Not like that, Sirius, fucking hell. I just meant if you were to talk, no one would barge in and ruin it." He really couldn't argue with that. "You two were gone for at least an hour... just curious, if you haven't talked things over, what did you do?"

"I'll tell you what we did, Prongsie, we sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes before I stood up and left without saying anything." James looked crestfallen. "Sincerest apologies, but we're not gonna talk things over."

"So you're both just fine with being all bloke-y and formal and shit?" Sirius nodded. "But... but you _fancy_ each other! Loads! I know you do, how can you just sit there and pretend like nothing happened?"

"It's called being _fucking_ _queer_ , James. Maybe we don't want everyone to find out? Maybe we'd prefer if everyone wasn't talking about us? You don't fucking get it, alright? When you ask Evans out only to get rejected every bloody day people laugh and cheer you on because they think it's funny and you're bound to get her someday. People would be grossed out if I ever did that with Moony, alright? Don't act like they wouldn't."

There was a beat of silence. Sirius felt a little guilty for bringing James's thing for Lily into it, but he wouldn't apologize, his ego was much too large for that.

"You're right. Sorry, mate."

"Don't apologize. You didn't know. It's fine."

They were getting close to the changing rooms now, anything Sirius wanted to say that the whole Quidditch team couldn't hear would have to be spilled quickly.

"Besides, I think I'm just scared. I don't know, deep down I know things wouldn't go horribly wrong if we just talked things over but there's this little, nagging twat inside my head that's telling me that what happened in potions was a joke, it was just Moony trying to take the piss."

"C'mon, Sirius, you know that's not true at all."

"Well, how would you know? Have you talked to him much?" James shifted a little awkwardly.

"Er-- no, actually. Evans is better at that stuff. She knows how to talk to him without making him angry, so we sort of split off to try and convince each of you to... you know..."

"Brilliant." Sirius muttered, they had approached the changing rooms and it was no shocker that they were the first there, but no secrets were ever told in the changing rooms. Ever. Sort of a team rule that you had to keep your personal shit out of Quidditch.

They changed in silence, Sirius was so inexplicably angry at James, and he didn't know why. James hadn't done anything wrong. Quite the bloody opposite, actually, he'd just been trying to help. He had helped, actually, just a bit. The alone time that Remus and Sirius often got wasn't much, but it was a start. They'd be talking like best mates again in no time, of that Sirius was positive.

"Look, I know you're pissed off at me, and that's fine." James said quietly, Sirius turned around to find him wearing a wicked grin, "Just try to channel some of that into wiping the floor with Slytherin during the match, alright?"

Sirius found himself grinning, as well. It was hard not to when James looked so menacing.

About five minutes passed before the rest of the team filed excitedly into the changing rooms.

"Alright, lads--"

Marlene McKinnon cleared her throat.

"-- _and_ lasses. We're already behind schedule, this is unacceptable." The team, save for Sirius, collectively rolled their eyes and groaned.

"Come off it, Potter, we've an hour before the match even starts."

"Right you are, McKinnon, and I've booked the field. Uniforms on, meet me out there in two minutes." The team (save for Sirius again) shared a second collective groan before hurrying off to change. James surveyed the field eagerly, like he did before every match, like it wasn't the same field he practiced on every day. Most of the team was gathered around within a minute and a half, and the last of them hurried out, standing ready to go, brooms in hand.

"Oi, Black, where's your _boyfriend_ , then? Does he not watch you practice?" James and Sirius whipped around to find Mulciber and Snape stalking towards them. Snape didn't even like Quidditch.

"Piss off, Snivellus." James snapped, hand reaching into his back pocket for his wand. "I'm warning you."

"Why should I? Just answer my question and I'll leave you alone." Snape taunted, walking closer still.

"I'm serious, Snape. Fuck _off_." James snapped, holding his wand at the ready, hexes on the tip of his tongue, waiting to spill over. Sirius was glad James was there, he was usually quite responsive when it came to Snape being a twat, but the mention of what had happened in potions coming from someone less accepting was completely terrifying. He liked to believe that he'd beat the shit out of anyone who gave him and Remus lip, but where was that same mindset now?

"I'm not talking to _you_ , Potter." He snapped, shoving past James and grinning at Sirius, expression malevolent. "So? Where's your _boyfriend_ gone off to, Sirius?"

Sirius felt a surge of anger and suddenly he wasn't in control any more, his hands were thinking for themselves as his fist made such sudden contact with Snape's face it sent the greasy asshole flying backward. There was a few seconds of stunned silence, a couple 'oohs' and gasps from the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a snarky laugh from James, then the pain set in and Snape rolled on the floor clutching his face. His nose was bleeding profusely and his cheek was bright red where Sirius had hit him.

" _WHAT is going ON here_?" Madam Hooch was storming across the field, fuming, practically shooting smoke from her ears. She hated violence more than most anything.

"Madam Hooch," Mulciber stepped forward, "Black over there attacked Snape out of nowhere."

"That's not true! I--"

"--he was provoked, Snape was being--"

"--it was Snape's fault, honest, he said some really--"

"--all Sniv- er-- Snape's fault--"

" _ENOUGH_!" Madam Hooch sounded her whistle, silencing everyone. "I want to hear it from _one_ person."

James cleared his throat, and Madam Hooch gestured for him to continue, much to Sirius's immense relief.

"Well, you see, we were about to start practicing for the game when Snape and Mulciber came storming onto the field and saying all this nasty stuff to Sirius,"

"Like what?" James raised his eyebrows, Sirius turned red, Snape began to smirk. "What did he say? I can't excuse Mr. Black's behavior if I don't know what provoked it, now, can I?"

"Er-- right. Of course. Well, he was er--" James looked back at Sirius, eyes pleading. Sirius shrugged helplessly, what else could he do? "Well, you see, this thing happened in potions, you might've heard it from someone, I'm not sure. Anyway, er-- Snape kept asking Sirius where his -- _boyfriend_ \-- was and we warned him to back off and he... um... didn't. Back off."

"I see." She narrowed her eyes, Sirius glanced at her hopefully. "Black, Snape, you've got detention tonight." She paused. "That'll be all."

Severus glared at James and Sirius as if he wanted to kill them--he probably did--and turned on his heel and walked off, Mulciber trailing behind and laughing. They were both laughing. It made Sirius want to punch him again, though of course he knew better.

"You okay?" James asked quietly.

"Fine. Let's just fucking destroy Slytherin in this game, alright?" The two of them shared a wicked smirk.

...

It was sort of incredible how fast the game went. It was over and done within fifteen minutes. Angry beater Sirius and determined chaser James were not forces to be reckoned with. Sirius's temper had somewhat cooled off during practice, but then he caught sight of Moony cheering him, James and Marlene on from the crowd next to Lily and remembered exactly why he was so mad.

He wasn't just mad at Snape, either. He was mad at everyone. Remus, for not ripping the fucking Band-Aid off already and talking to him. Himself for not doing the exact same thing. James, for knowing him well enough to drive him up the wall. Lily, for doing such a good job of getting through to Remus that when Sirius looked over at him from high up in the air, he gave him an encouraging thumbs-up that made Sirius's heart flip in the most distracting way possible.

With all that emotion, a large club in hand and a heavy ball whizzing around the field, one could only imagine that it was near impossible for the Slytherins to get anything done without a bludger, courtesy of Sirius Black, flying full speed at them, and hitting the mark each and every time. Within seven minutes, the entire Slytherin team was flying around the pitch in fear from Sirius. It was actually quite hilarious. The few times Slytherin was ever in possession of the Quaffle, James got it back so fast their heads were spinning.

So literally. No exaggeration. The match was over in fifteen minutes. 20-230.

...

Detention was agony, especially after Gryffindor's legendary win. Snape was ten times more hostile than usual, abusing the knowledge that unless Sirius wanted to be in real trouble, he couldn't do anything. Their task was to polish every candle holder in the great hall. It was never specified how, exactly, they were supposed to get up there, Madam Hooch had just told them to figure it out. Something about teamwork or whatever.

Except it wasn't teamwork, it was two hours of Sirius and Snape deeply insulting each other until they were too furious to talk. Sirius got a tiny bit of relief when he "accidentally dropped" his wand from where he was perched on top of a chandelier, polishing it, and poked Snape in the eye. But that was about all. When they were finally allowed to leave, Sirius could not run up to his common room soon enough.

They'd started just after curfew so that they didn't disturb anyone eating, so it had to have been 12:30 in the morning when Sirius finally stumbled through the portrait. He'd devised a plan in the two hours of detention he had. Remus never went to bed before two in the morning, either he'd read and pretend to be asleep, or be down in the common room doing homework. If it was the second one, he wouldn't even have to run the risk of waking Pete and James for his plan to fall into action.

In short, he was finally going to talk to Remus. Like. _Talk_ talk to him. Much to his luck, there he was, books splayed out in front of the fire, chin resting on his hand as he wrote furiously on scrap bits of parchment. Sirius felt a strange dizziness but chalked it up to being tired.

"Oi, Moony?" He whispered, trying to talk to him as best he could without startling him. Remus jumped and turned around.

"Oh, it's just you." He huffed, exasperated, and faced back towards his homework.

"Wow, _just_ me, ouch." Sirius walked over and plopped himself down next to Remus, maybe it was the late hour or the sudden rush of adrenaline, but he felt surprisingly confident.

"Piss off, wanker. I'm trying to work." He felt his heartbeat pick up quite a bit, he gulped.

"I was wondering if we could talk about something." That really seemed to do it, Remus fumbled with his quill and sent a large splat of ink across his paper, he swore and tried to dab it up with the hem of his robes.

"Yeah, fine. What do you want?" His tone was so uninviting and sharp that Sirius couldn't help but recoil a little. It would be a bit difficult to confess his feelings and tell Remus that he wanted to snog him into next week if Remus was already in a bad mood. What if he got slapped?

"Scourgify." Sirius said quickly in a tense voice and the spilled ink was gone within a second. Remus looked up gratefully and his expression softened. He closed his books and turned himself to face Sirius.

"Thanks... now, er-- what was it you needed to talk about?" This was it. There was no reason to not say anything, none at all. Yet Sirius found himself unable to speak. It was really sort of sweet, the way they were sitting. Alone in the common room, sitting cross-legged on the floor and facing each other in front of the fire. Remus was making Sirius's heart do flips, his eyes were sleepy, his hair was messed up, one side of his face was a bit red from where it had been resting on his hand. He was wearing his pajamas with his regular school robe on top of them, and had mismatched socks on. "Earth to Padfoot?" Shit, he was staring, wasn't he?

"Okay, I know this probably goes without saying and once I finally say it you'll probably be like, 'wow, Sirius, you're such a twat, I already knew that,' and I really don't know why I'm so nervous, um. I'll just say it, but like, please promise not to laugh. Or slap me and run off, I just--"

"Sirius."

"I fancy you." His heart only kept picking up speed as he blurted whatever came to mind, Remus's expression was still unreadable. "Loads, actually. I think I have since fourth year? Yeah, it was definitely fourth year. Um. D'you mind saying something?"

A pause.

Expression still impossible to decipher.

"Moony?"

Then, Remus pulled Sirius forward by the front of his robes and captured him in a bruising kiss, one hand gripping a fistful of Sirius's shirt and the other cupping the side of his face. Sirius felt like he was on fire everywhere Moony was touching him, and it was fucking brilliant. He moved himself a little closer so he could secure his arms around Remus's waist, and not once did they break for air. Not until both their lungs were burning dangerously did they separate, and even then they were as close as possible without actually kissing.

" _Merlin_ , Lupin." Sirius laughed, pulling back to stare at Remus. "Where'd you learn to kiss like that?"

"Shuddup, idiot." Remus turned red, so much that it was clear even in the dim light.

"James is never gonna leave us alone, you know that, right?" His smile fell a little, Sirius tipped his chin up so that they were looking at each other again. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know. Just... you saw how Snivellus was today, and that was before we even, you know--" He paused and tried to recollect his words to make some sort of point. "What's he gonna say if he ever sees us with each other? I mean, it's Snape we're talking about, we could just be standing next to each other and he'd. Uh. Say something."

"Moony, Moony, Moony, so sweet and naive." Sirius tutted affectionately, he kissed Remus's forehead and felt electricity shoot through him. "Jamesy clearly didn't describe just how hard I punched Snape in the face today."

"You _PUNCHED_ him in the _FACE_?" Sirius let out a loud laugh at the genuine look of horror Remus wore.

"Darling, what did you think I got detention for? Having a quick shout and calling it a day?"

"Sirius! What the _fuck_! You can't just punch every twat you see in the face whenever you feel like it!" Sirius fought the urge to kiss him again, although that was really all he wanted to do because he was allowed to do that now. And it wouldn't be weird or get him slapped.

"Well, it's not whenever I feel like it, it was more of a heat of the moment thing..." Sirius tried and failed to make the situation sound better, Remus grimaced.

"What... er-- what was he saying? He at least _deserved_ it, though, right? You wouldn't just hit him for the sake of hitting him?"

"Of course not, I'm a ball of rage that cannot be contained but I wouldn't do that." Moony shook his head, trying to hide the fact that he was smiling. "He was just being a twat about, y'know. Us. Kept asking me where my _boyfriend_ was, why he wasn't there, just... stuff like that. I thought he might say something rude about you so I, er, acted fast?"

"You punched Snape in the face." Sirius nodded, slowly. "Because there was a chance he was about to say something rude about me." He nodded again, slower. Unexpectedly, Remus broke into a lovestruck grin. "Blimey, I love you."

Remus's grinning face dropped into a horribly worried one when he realized what he said, Sirius sat stunned.

He didn't want to admit that he'd never heard those words spoken to him, but he just didn't know what to say? Did he love Remus? Like, of course he wanted to live together just the two of them and wake up and make him breakfast and fall asleep in the same bed every night and hold him whenever he was scared. Of course he wanted to do all those things. But that was just him fancying Remus loads, like he'd said. And then there was the fact that he'd still feel that way about Remus if he broke his heart. There was that. And then there was his longing to see Remus's scars that lines his torso just so he could let him know that they were beautiful. Of course there was always the fact that he wanted to wear Remus's tie around school instead of his own so that he could still smell the vanilla and cigarette smell that he found so endearing.

But Sirius Black could not tell you if that was love for the life of him.

"Shit, Sirius, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I'm really fucking tired, and just, happy. Don't be mad at me." He paused for only a second. "But I do. Love you. Um. Just think that should be put out there 'cause I don't wanna lie to you."

Sirius felt his heart racing again. What the fuck. He still couldn't _fucking_ tell for the life of him what was going on. He wanted to say so much, and he usually would've settled for telling Remus that it was okay and didn't change anything (like he had with most other big things Remus had told him) but instead found himself spilling his guts.

"I don't know, Moony. Honestly, I don't. I know that I'd do anything for you and you could literally look like you just got snotted on by a mountain troll and I'd think you were the best thing I've ever seen. And I want you to know that you're perfect but not like, you don't have flaws or whatever, I just love everything about you." He saw Remus shrink away slightly, arms crossed over his torso, and Sirius reached out to touch him gently. " _Everything_ about you, Remus Lupin. So I don't know if that's love, if it is then of course I love you too, I'd say that a million times but I don't know. No one's ever said that to me before so I just don't know how to react."

His hands were still resting protectively over Remus's scars and for just a moment, his feelings couldn't have been more clear to him. It was like a second of calm in a storm, like looking straight up through the eye of a hurricane, he knew he'd be fine if everything could stay like it was just then.

He leaned forward and kissed Remus, holding him close, trying to protect him from everything, and he just couldn't seem to stop the way his heart ached to say something too, something that was waiting eagerly on the tip of Sirius's tongue. It would come out eventually, maybe in a second, maybe in a year, but he'd say it. It was only when Moony looked at him again that he decided to continue saying everything that came into mind.

"I really don't think you get it, though, I just--"

" _Sirius_ , really, it's alright, you don't have to say it back."

"But I _do_ feel that way, I _know_ I do! It's driving me mental not to say it but I can't and I don't know why." Sirius looked so helpless, so pleading. He felt his eyes stinging as he kept spewing feelings, everything but what he wanted to say. "Moony, for _Godric's_ sake, I wanna wake up next to you every morning and try to make you laugh by making weird faces in the mirror as you're brushing your teeth. And I want to fucking punch anyone who's ever hurt you like I punched Snape today because the thought of anyone making you feel bad or hurt makes me so angry. You don't get it, I want to run out of my classes earlier than anyone so I can surprise you when your class gets out. I want to kiss you hard in front of my stupid fucking family so that they can see that I, the renowned Black family heir, am a queer who fancies a half-blood werewolf. I want to do that old couple thing where they send presents from both of them instead of two presents separately." He didn't want to cry, not there. But he was getting so desperate. "Why can't I say it?"

Remus looked equal parts adoring and broken.

"Sirius, it's okay." He whispered, and pulled Sirius into his arms. "You're okay. You don't have to be ready now, not even any time soon, I know what you mean. I know you want to say it but if you can't then you can't. Alright?"

Sirius nodded, collapsing helplessly into Remus's embrace.

"Moony?"

"Hm?"

"Could you say it again? I mean, only if you want to but, the more you say it the easier it'll be for me, I think."

"I love you, Sirius. Loads." He would be able to say it one day. Honestly, he would. "We should go to bed, let me just grab my books. Do you want to sleep in my bed?"

"Yeah."

...

Sirius didn't know terror until he had looked it straight in the face: stared it down and said, hey, what the _fuck_? He didn't know terror until he woke up, head resting on Remus's chest and arms wrapped around his waist, to the shrillest scream he had ever heard. It was shriller than the scream his mother had let out when Sirius came home for Christmas first year and described how much fun he had hanging out with Muggle-borns. He'd shot up in bed so suddenly, vision blurred and hair all messy, that he hit his head on the covering on Remus's bed.

" _YOU TWO! YOU TALKED THINGS OVER_!" And there stood James Potter, jumping and dancing wildly around the dormitory and squealing like an overjoyed seven year old girl. " _MY BEST MATES ARE TOGETHER! DID YOU SNOG? WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING OF COURSE YOU DID_!" Remus looked furious. He was never usually one to be happy about waking up any earlier than necessary. Sirius leaned up and kissed his jaw gently, and smiled to himself as Remus's frown melted away, immediately replaced with a softer look. " _MOONY AND PADFOOT SNOGGED, MOONY AND PADFOOT SNOGGED_!" James sang as he continued darting around the room at concerning speeds. Peter, the heaviest sleeper of all of them, woke up and glared at James icily.

"James Potter. I'm going to kill you." He yawned, rubbing his eyes, which was futile as they shot wide open as soon as he saw Sirius lying in Remus's bed, arms still wrapped around him. " _OH_! YOU TWO _TALKED_!"

As if instructed to barge in at a specific time, Lily came barreling into the room, grinning like a maniac.

" _HA_! YOU TALKED!" She screeched and threw her arms around James, when she pulled away they both started jumping up and down, gripping each other's hands. For a second Lily looked like she'd kiss James, but the look was gone as soon as it was there. Sirius's face ached from smiling.

...

Sirius hadn't slept alone in weeks, not since the first night him and Remus fell asleep next to each other. Since then it was always an unspoken rule that they'd share a bed. Not that Sirius or Remus _ever_ wanted to object. The more Remus told Sirius that he loved him, the easier it became to know that he was getting there. Instead of saying it back they agreed that Sirius could say things like, 'you're perfect' or 'you know, I fancy you loads' or 'you drive me mental in the best way possible' and have it still mean the same as I love you. But he'd get to it. He knew he would. ... His ability to say... it... came at the most random time. He could've screamed it. He let out a concerning sort of high pitched laugh after he said it and didn't stop saying it afterwards.

Everytime anything happened (like ever): _Hey, Moony, I love you._

Even when they were just sitting, doing nothing: _Wow, I love you._

In class when Remus was knee-deep in notes and ink: _I love you. You know that right?_

And his giddy smile didn't leave his face once after he said it.

The first time Sirius said it had kind of shattered each of them a little bit, he had been at Quidditch practice and a bludger came up behind him. As if he had eyes on the back of his head, Sirius whipped around and hit it so hard at the last second that it went flying to the ground and was stuck at least a meter under. He'd received many claps on the back from his teammates, and a 'how about you play like that every time, eh?' from James, but nothing made him grin more than the excessive whooping and clapping coming from the stands. From way above the field Sirius looked down and saw a tiny dot jumping around, watching practice. He was the only one there. Even from all the way up there he could hear the cheering and his heart swelled to the size of the moon. James saw the look on his face and told the team to take five. Sirius flew down gratefully and ran over to Remus (he'd come to every Quidditch practice since him and Sirius had gotten together. It was a daily commitment. He never lost his enthusiasm. What really added sentiment was the fact that Remus Lupin could not name one fact about the game of Quidditch if he was offered ten thousand galleons).

"Well done, Pads!" Remus squealed, gripping Sirius's hand tightly. They couldn't kiss or hug, the entire Quidditch team was right there and someone was bound to see, but it was okay. It had to be. "You really had me scared there, I was ready to run and get Madam Pomfrey, but just like the bloody brilliant beater you are, of course you saved it at the last second! _Godric_ , that was am--"

"I love you." Sirius blurted, face scared and eyes wide. His head was spinning, his heart was threatening to crack his ribs if it beat any faster. His face broke into a smile the second he realized the weight of what he said, how long it had been eating away at him. He laughed a little then said it again.

And again. And again, and again, and again.

"Holy shit, Moony! _I love you. I love you. I love you._ " Remus started to get closer but suddenly stopped and backed away, Sirius's heart sank because he knew what was wrong. "Better watch out for that, I almost kissed you in front of everyone." He said sadly. Sirius squeezed his hand tighter. "I love you too, Sirius. I love you so much."

"Idea." Sirius said, but not even that made his heart heal back to where it was before. No matter how much they loved each other there would always be people that didn't want to see it, there would always be someone to bring them down off cloud nine. He backed away and dropped down cross-legged on the wooden floor of the stands, hidden by the opaque barrier stopping him from falling onto the field. He patted the seat in front of him and Remus promptly sat down.

"Let's try that again." He laughed and gestured for Sirius to say what he needed. "Remus Lupin, I love you. I'm... _in_ love with you." And they kissed. They kissed over James yelling at the team to get back on their brooms. They kissed, not caring about the fact that anyone that flew over the stands would see them. Because they just loved each other and. You know.

Fuck it, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave a comment if you want to, I love reading them! <3


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